A Plague of Squirrels

(I know ... those aren't squirrels ... at least I don't think they are ... but I sometimes like to do the unexpected ... to see if anybody notices)

Remember last week? I mean, how I went on and on ... and on ... about the previous week’s having crawled along with the speed of molasses on a winter morning ...

Well, this past week was ... um, let’s see ... it was the week when NOTHING happened at Brimm Manor.

I hate it when that happens.

Even The Little Red Car didn’t have any adventures worth talking about. Oh, Little Red did honk a couple of times ... like at the guy ahead of us who fell asleep and didn’t see the light change ... and Little Red did give a friendly little toot to the driver who passed us, then slammed on his brakes and made a sudden right turn just inches in front of us ...

But those were the exceptions.

For example, when we came up behind the only vehicle in the whole universe which was moving more slowly than we were ... Little Red didn’t honk ... or go around with a mighty roar and the squealing of tires ... Oh, no, not Little Red. We just settled back and enjoyed the scenery ... until that particular driver must have suddenly realized he was being followed ... and made like the Lone Ranger with a cloud of dust ... and was gone.

It was that kind of week.

But this time I’m going to spare you the details. How lucky can you get? But next week ... if nothing happens ... I may just go on and on ... and on ...

-S&G-

TODAY’S QUOTE: “I’ve finally figured out why time passes so fast. It’s not because we’re having fun, necessarily ... though I must admit that time does seem to go faster then. Aside from that, I’ve discovered why ... at my stage of life ... time seems to be whizzing by ... It’s all DOWNHILL.” - Professor Squigglee

-S&G-

AND NOW THE TRUTH.

Something did happen this past week. Phyllis and I celebrated our wedding anniversary. Which one? Oh, SHE keeps track of numbers like that. I just do the driving.

And drive we did. All the way to a swanky place in a nearby state park.

I hate being late. And we weren’t. In fact, we got there about half an hour before the dining room opened. No problem. We like to walk ... and walk we did ... through the huge parking lot ... along the curving sidewalk past the luxury accommodations ... down to the lakeside dock, where we enjoyed the breeze and the view.

Eventually we returned to the main building.

Being a person of an economic bent ... especially when it comes to footsteps ... I saw no reason for walking all the way back around to the front of the building ... when there was a door just ahead that appeared to lead to the dining room.

Aha! It was unlocked ... and we suddenly found ourselves inside ... alone ... in a rather large, ornate dining room ... obviously not the one we were aiming for.

I never look back ... well, almost never ... but this time, for some reason I”ll never understand ... I turned around and looked at the door we’d just come through ... and there was a sign which said:

“WARNING! This is an EMERGENCY EXIT!! Opening this door will SET OFF AN ALARM!!!”

Other than that, though, it was a pretty quiet week.

-S&G-

SPEAKING OF CELEBRATING ... LOREE (Kansas) has a brother-in-law who has taken her under his wing ... sees that she gets out of the house once a week (claims it combats cabin fever) ... stuff like that.

Loree wanted to say thank you by taking him out to supper at the FUN BARN ... where they could enjoy a great meal ... and a country-western band.

Fine ... except there was a problem in the kitchen which delayed the start of the meal by a good 30 minutes. But the food did come ... and it was great.

Oh, when Loree made the reservations, she had mentioned that they would be celebrating her brother-in-law’s birthday.

So-o-o ... at the end of the first half of the band’s performance ... the announcer said, “I believe we have someone here celebrating a birthday ... “ (and announced the brother-in-law’s name ... and asked him to stand up). Two other celebrants were announced and were asked to stand up, too.

The band played “Happy Birthday” and the whole crowd joined in singing it ... Meanwhile, Loree was thinking about the look her brother-in-law had shot her when he was asked to stand .... and she was wondering if she’d have to find another ride home.

Ah, but the owner’s wife came to the rescue.

The birthday guys each received a bright red ball cap that said “Fun Barn” on it ... and all was well again.

As Loree phrased it, “Gosh! My brother-in-law, who collects those, lit up like a Christmas tree, and all was forgiven! I suspect he may have even worn it to bed that night when he went home.”

-S&G-

SPEAKING OF REMEMBERING .... remember Loree’s postscript that I shared with you last week? Something to the effect that “ ... every time I read something from Professor Squigglee I get a flash of a squirrel, with dark-rimmed, oversized glasses ... “ Well, that brought to mind one of my old poems ... which you may have read before ... but anyway ...

A PLAGUE OF SQUIRRELS

What vile crimes have I committed

that I must be punished by you,

you frenzied plague of squirrels?

You dig up the tulips, tear out

the gutter guards, leave pizza slices

dangling from the evergreens,

litter the driveway with twigs

and leaves while you perfect the art

of nesting, pile our picnic table

with walnut chewings, spread hysteria

by screeching from the highest limbs,

patter across our silent green roof

at daybreak, hide juicy, squishy things

under the swing's yellow cushions,

come down our chimney bearing gifts

of frantic sooty footprints over all

the basement, spending a whole afternoon

eluding me, until finally hiding

in a box so I might carry you outside

to set you free, a twitch of the tail

your cursory thanks for the ride,

and I see you later scampering down that

superhighway of cable, as though nothing

had happened today, absolutely nothing.

(Received a third place award in an Ohio Poetry Day competition)

-S&G-

COMMENT? Feel free ... below, if you like.

Or if you prefer e-mail, that's fine, too ... especially for more detailed observations, to rbrimm@peoplepc.com

... and it helps if you put "Squiggles" or "S&G" ... something like that ... in the subject line (just remember, no religion or politics ... please!)

-S&G-

UNTIL NEXT TIME ... take care ... see ya!

-S&G-

© 2009